A Letter to My Freshly Single Brothers and Sisters

My dearest siblings,

It’s hard. Whether you just got broken up with, or you did the breaking, I know that it is. I am currently sharing this struggle with you, and I want to tell you something so important. Everyone has probably been telling you the usual, “it will get better” speech, and they are not wrong. It most definitely will get better, but not unless you make one important decision. The decision to guard your heart.

Yes, I know that is the cheesiest thing that can be said at this moment. It is the stereotypical Bible verse about relationships and love, but THIS is the moment where it is most crucial to do so. This is the time where your heart is most vulnerable. When you are in a relationship you learn to let your walls down, and to let heart be softened to the person you are with. You get used to each other. You have those inside jokes, that one restaurant that is your spot, and that show that one of you ALWAYS wants to watch on Netflix. That is something so beautiful and special that you can share with someone, but it’s something so hard to forget when trying to get over the breakup.

This is the time when you are searching for something to fill that void where your boyfriend/girlfriend once stood. There is that part of you, no matter how big or small, that misses the little routine things. There is this feeling of, “what do I do with my time?” This is also where something the world knows as the rebound effect happens. We all know what I am talking about, and how negatively it affects lives. There is such a desire to give and receive love that we convince ourselves we are ready to move on, to start fresh. Let me tell you, my dear brothers and sisters, that is not a fresh start at all. We have so many emotions happening at once that it is easy to get them confused. If you jump into a new relationship, or even back into the one you were just in, without really praying about what the right thing to do is, you could really do damage to both parties here. We really have to put aside our earthly desires and ask God to guide us in our decision making.

I had been with my boyfriend a little over a year before I decided it was best to end it. I told God no so many times; breaking up with him was the last thing that I wanted to do. It was such a hard decision and I cried when I finally decided to do it. I will tell you where I found comfort; in Psalm 37:4 it says, “Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart’s desire”. That is what made it all make since to me. I was focusing so much on my desires that I was completely disregarding that God had plans for me! However, this still did not make me 100% certain that ending it was, in fact, what God was asking me to do. I pulled out a prayer book I bought and read this prayer.

“Lord, I turn to you for help, that in your wisdom you might aid me in making the right decision. I am unsure about what is best for me, and at times I am scared to pray for guidance, not because I don’t believe, but because I know that if I am honest with myself and with you, I will be changed – and that change scares me. I am comfortable now, and sometimes I am afraid of what you might be calling me to do. Shake me from my comfort. When I doubt my ability to choose what is right, guide me in my discernment and point me in the direction you want me to go. When I turn to you, I will always find the courage to choose faith, the strength to choose hope, and the compassion to choose love. I am not made or unmade by the things which happen to me but my reaction to them.” – St. John of the Cross

After reading, and really praying this prayer, I felt it. I started hysterically crying in my room and I knew that it had to be done. Again I say yes, it was hard, but God granted me such peace that even though I was hurting greatly, I knew that I did right by Him.

So my lovely siblings in Christ, run to Jesus. Run to Him with all your hurt, all your desires, and everything making your heart feel heavy. He will be exactly what you need. Guard your heart by giving it to Him. Find your desires that you didn’t even know you had by calling out to our heavenly Father and asking Him to hold you and shower you with grace! I will be praying for you! That you may pray the prayer I have shared with you and have stillness in your hearts to listen to God’s call. You are all so important and I cannot put into words how much I love you!

With all of my love always,

Venessa Benitez

“God will never show you gold and give you silver.” – Jackie Angel





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